Missing Gon
by AdamCV02
Summary: Ever since leaving Gon's side, Killua has been having trouble sleeping... and one night it finally reaches a tipping point. Hearing Gon's voice helps Killua sleep for the longest time in weeks. Killua slowly comes to the realization that he needs Gon around to function. He misses him more than anything in the world. KilluaxGon (Rated M for later chapters)
1. Chapter 1

It had been six months since Killua and Gon had separated, Killua had begun to travel the world with Alluka, and Gon had returned to Whale Island to resume his studies while he tried to figure out what his next step in life should be after finally finding his dad.

Unfortunately, there was one problem at least for Killua... he couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, or how exhausted he was, Killua only slept at most three to four hours a night. Granted he had been trained to stay awake for up to three days if needed, but that didn't mean he wanted to! Killua pondered all of this while he laid awake in his and Alluka's hotel room. Why couldn't he sleep? Things like this had happened before, but never this frequently, it usually only happened when Killua felt especially vulnerable or agitated. He wasn't either of those things now, so why couldn't he just sleep already!?

Killua tossed and turned in his bed in an angry fury, hitting his pillow in frustration as he flipped from his back to his stomach. He used to have nights like this back in Heaven's Arena during his Nen Training. Then he remembered about how he would slip into Gon's room during these nights and sleep on the floor next to his bed, he was always sure to leave before Gon woke up to avoid the explanation and subsequent embarrassment. For some reason he couldn't yet understand, just being in the same room as Gon helped him sleep better, the sudden realization that he needed Gon just to be able to sleep properly made a small blush flourish on the young assassin's cheeks. He rolled over to the other side of the bed and gazed at the clock... It was 2:45. _Dammit! _He shouted in his head, _I really can't do anything without him... Can I? _"Gon" Killua whispered softly into the dark, moonlit room. "I-I need-you".

_Maybe if I called him! _Killua reached for his beatle phone on the nightstand. _No, it's 2:55 am he's probably sound asleep _Killua sighed, he couldn't call Gon now! Even as he thought this, he slowly found himself dialing Gon's number and listening to the ringing hoping he would pick up. After six agonizing rings Killua was about to give up, when he heard a groggy "Hello" from the other line. "Hi Gon" Killua said hesitantly as he laid in his bed, trying to be as quiet as possible for Alluka who was still asleep. "Killuaaa!" Gon shouted through the phone so loud that it nearly blew out his best-friend's eardrum. The brown-eyed hunter was worried as to why his friend would call him so late, and feared he might be in trouble. "I'm sorry I-" Killua attempted to form an apology before he was cut off by Gon bombarding him with questions; "Are you okay!?" "Why are you up so late?" "Do you need help?" A small smile spread across the pale-boy's face, of course Gon wasn't upset he woke him up with his inconsiderate late-night call, his friend was more concerned about his safety! "Yes Gon, I'm fine" Killua began to assure worried friend that he wasn't in any sort of mortal danger. "I just couldn't sleep and I was bored so I thought I'd-" the young assassin sighed as he was cut off again by his still slightly worried friend. "Are you sure?" Gon persisted, unsure Killua was as okay as he let on. "Yeah, I'm okay" Killua let out a long yawn before continuing "but, I'm actually feeling pretty tired now... Can I call you again in the morning?" Before Killua could even begin to worry that Gon might say "no", he was answered almost instantaneously by his best friend. "Of course you can! You're my bestest friend in the whole world! You don't have to ask permission to call me!" Killua felt his face turn red, why did Gon always have to say the most embarrassing things in the most blatant ways? Nonetheless the blue-eyed boy smiled as he wished Gon a "Goodnight" Gon responded in kind and almost immediately after, Killua passed out as his phone slid down his pillow and onto the floor.

* * *

Gon sat up in his bed, fully awake. Why did Killua just randomly call him in the middle of the night? Killua had said he was alright, but it wasn't normal for Killua to call him so late just to talk. Sure, Gon didn't mind waking up in the middle of the night just to talk to his best-friend. In fact, he more than happy to! Anytime that he got to talk to Killua he cherished more than anything else. The young hunter couldn't, however, let go of his suspicion that Killua was upset about something that he wasn't sharing with him. The brown-eyed boy became more helpless when he realized that he didn't exactly know how to help Killua without knowing what was wrong. He would be sure to press the issue in the morning when Killua called him, so he could find out what was bothering his friend and fix it.

Gon stayed up most of the night thinking about Killua, and how to find out what was bothering him. As a result, he didn't wake up until early in the afternoon. The dark-haired boy awoke to an alarm clock reading 11:30 am, he stared at it for a second before thinking aloud "Oh no!, did I miss Killua's call?" Gon frantically searched for his phone, which had been hidden in between sheets. He eagerly searched through his missed calls, and was disappointed that Killua had not called him at all. Gon began to worry again, and debated on calling Killua right away, before deciding that he would wait for Killua to call him. His friend had said he would call in the morning, and there were still thirty minutes until morning ended ...so Gon decided to wait them out.

* * *

Killua was awoken at 12:01, to his ringing cell phone. Had he really slept for nine whole hours? Killua looked over at Alluka who was watching TV with the captions on so that he could sleep. The blue-eyed boy reached over and answered his phone to a panicked Gon. "Are you okay!?, you said you'd call in the morning and you didn't so I got worried and-" Killua smirked and let out a small chuckle, had Gon really waited till the exact end of morning to call him? The fact that Gon trusted him that much, made Killua a little guilty he had not woken up in time to call him. "Gon, don't worry, I just overslept, in fact, you just woke me up" Killua could hear a sigh of relief on the opposite end of the line. "Killuwa! Don't worry me like that!" Before, Gon could begin to bombard Killua with all of the questions he had thought up last night, in hopes of finding out what was bothering the young-assassin, Killua began to apoligize. "Sorry Gon, I've just been having trouble sleeping these past couple weeks, I'll call you tonight, I promised Alluka I would take her to see the tourist attractions." Killua could feel Gon frowning at him from the other end. "You promise you'll call this time?" Gon pleaded, he wanted to make sure Killua would remember this time. "I promise" Killia assured his best friend and hung-up. Alluka looked at her brother, puzzled. "You didn't promise me that." Killua paused for a second trying to come up with an excuse for his lie. "I didn't want him to worry" the blue-eyed boy said, trying to be as convincing as possible. Truthfully, he had lied because he wanted to talk to Gon at night, it was the closest he could get to actually sleeping in the same room with him again. For some reason Killua could not yet figure out, just hearing Gon's voice gave him enough peace to sleep at night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Two people actually followed :), and two favorites :D. So I shall continue fumbling through words as I attempt to make a halfway decent story out of them. Thanks for reading.**

* * *

For once, Killua couldn't wait to go to bed, just so he could have an excuse to talk to Gon. Sure, he had no clue what to talk about with him... He couldn't tell him about the awkward feelings he was having everytime he heard his friend answered the phone, or say his name. Killua glanced over at the clock, it was 8:30... Fuck it close enough. The white-haired boy reached over, snatched his phone off the dresser, and eagerly dialed Gon's number. Just as the phone started to ring, the young assassin flicked off the lights, and jumped into bed.

"Hi Killua!" his best-friend screamed through the phone, "what's up!?"

"Nothing much, what did you do today?" Killua could hear Gon take a deep breath, meaning his spiky-haired friend was about to describe everything that had happened to him in one full breath.

"Well..." Killua had stopped listening after that, he vaguely caught some details about foxbear cubs and schoolwork being boring as Gon continued to ramble on for a whole sixty minutes. Killua didn't particularly care about what Gon was talking about, just that he was talking. That was until; "Oh, and this girl about our age asked me on a date and if I could show her around the island" Killua, who at this point had been about asleep from Gon's excited, yet soothing voice, sprung back awake with full attention. "Wait-really?" Killua replied hesitantly, on the outside, he was trying to appear unbothered, however on the inside, he was having a near mental-breakdown trying to process not only what his eager friend had just told him... But why he now was feeling extremely jealous of that girl.

"Yeah, she said I was cute and that she would teach me some things if I was really good or something..."

Killua was becoming more jealous (for reasons he did not understand) by the second. "Was she pretty?"

"Yeah, I guess... I don't know I'm just really not that into girls. I'd rather spend time with you..."

The white-haired boy's head was rolling at this point. Not only at what Gon had just told him, also about why he was so relieved that Gon wasn't into girls. This just raised more questions in the young assassin's mind; Was he just not mature enough yet? Or Was he into boys?

_Wait... What!? Does that mean Gon could be into me!? Wait, am I into Gon? _Killua couldn't understand why he would ask himself this question, until he slowly began to realize that he was up late talking to his best-friend because he couldn't sleep without him... He was dependent on him... He needed him... He wanted to be with him... But, how? As Friends? Or More? The blue-eyed boys train of thought became more erratic as he tried to sort out his feelings.

"Kiluaa? Are you still there?" Gon was afraid his friend might have fallen asleep, he hadn't responded to his question in ten minutes.

"Yea, sorry... What did you say?" Killua felt guilty about tuning Gon out in favor of his own thoughts.

"Should I get red flowers or yellow for my date?" Killua placed his hand on his face, wondering why Gon would even ask him this!

_You SHOULD be buying me red flowers__! _The white-haired boy stopped himself a second before he could say that thought out loud. _What the hell!? I don't want Gon to buy me flowers? But... Why do I feel like that would make me happy?_

"Buy the red ones" Killua answered, increasingly depressed at the thought that he wasn't getting flowers. Why did he want them anyway!? Why did he get the feeling of a thousand cocooned caterpillars becoming butterflies in his stomach as he imagined Gon handing him a bouquet of fucking flowers!

"Why red?" Gon didn't particularly wonder why, he just wanted to keep the conversation flowing, seeing as how Killua kept pausing every ten freaking minutes!

"I don't know! I like red flowers ok!?" the blue-eye boy yelled out in anger over his confused feelings. He immediately regretted it; one because he may have hurt Gon, and two because he almost woke Alluka up.

"Killua... Are you mad at me?" Gon was absolutely upset now, he didn't want Killua to be mad at him.

_How could he think I'm mad at him? There's no way I could even stay mad at him with that adorable voice and... Shit, first flowers and now this!_

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just tired. I'll call you tomorrow night, okay?" the flustered assassin could no longer continue the conversation AND sort out his feelings.

"Okay, but you're okay... right?" Gon seemed increasingly concerned about his best-friend, and Killua wasn't doing well in reassuring him. Most likely because he was becoming far from okay.

"Yea, Goodnight Gon."

"Goodnight, Killua" Gon hung up.

Killua flipped onto his stomach, buried his face into his pillow and groaned.

* * *

Gon laid back in his bed, thinking over his concerns about his best-friend. He really wanted to help Killua with what was obviously bothering him, but he didn't even know what it was! He picked up his phone and called Leorio.

"Hello!" Leorio answered rather angrily, upset that he had been woken up at 10:30 at night.

"I have a problem! Killua's upset about something, and he yelled at me and I don't know why! He's also been having trouble sleeping, and I want to help him but I don't know how because I don't know what's bothering him and-" Gon dispensed all of this information so quickly it's truly a wonder that Leorio managed to comprehend it all.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down bud." Leorio's doctor mode had kicked in at this point, and he was concerned that Killua had possibly developed insomnia. However, he decided to first find out what had made Killua so upset at Gon.

"What did you say that made him upset?" Leorio had barely managed to finish asking the question, when Gon frantically provided the explanation.

"I asked him what kind of flowers I should get for my date tomorrow, and he said "red", and then when I asked why he got upset and-"

"I see, " Leorio had pieced together the issue in less time than it took Gon to explain it, and he really wondered how oblivious Gon could be about love. Of course Killua was jealous over Gon's date! It actually surprised Leorio that these two weren't already together, seeing as how they used to spend every waking moment together.

"Gon, Killua is gonna be just fine, it seems like these are just some things he needs to figure out on his own. But, when he comes to you to explain what's bothering him, be sure to be understanding even if you don't..."

"Don't what?" Gon was confused beyond belief, did Leorio know what was wrong with Killua? If so, why didn't he tell him?

"Don't worry, you'll understand" Leorio's face was painted with a wide smile, he really wanted to tell Gon... But he had to let Killua do it in his own way, when he was ready.

Leorio hung up.

_I don't understand! __G_on was angry about his inability to figure out what Leorio had, Killua was his best-friend! Gon should know what's bothering him!

Gon punched his pillow in frustration, and angrily spent the majority of the night trying to figure it out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay! Here we go! Let's see if Killua can finally sort out all his feelings. Or if Gon has managed to figure it out yet :/**

* * *

Killua barely slept through the night, most of it was spent with his face planted into his pillow and his mind racing a thousand miles per hour. When he finally did fall asleep, the dream of Gon sneaking into his room in the middle of the night with a bouquet and chocolates... Pretty much didn't help. Killua's deep train of thought was cut off by his sudden realization that he had been ignoring Alluka (who for the most part had been keeping to herself, sensing her brothers current state) for the past couple of days. He looked over to find her reading the book he had bought her the other day.

"Hey, what's that book about?" He had never actually asked when she bought it, he just let her pick it out and payed for it.

"It's about these two people who meet and fall in love, " she smiled, obviously she had enjoyed the most likely, sappy love story.

"Ca-can I read it when you're done?" Killua wasn't sure why he wanted to read it, but he felt the need to find out more about what love was like.

"Yea! Although it's not really a boy book" Alluka was a bit perplexed as to why her brother would be interested in such a book.

"It's okay, I wanna read it cause you did... We can talk about it after" the white-haired boy wasn't exactly eager to talk about love stories with his little sister, but right now he need to get his hands on that book. Maybe it held the key to sorting out his feelings?

"Okay! I'm almost done!" Alluka cheered, visibly excited that her older brother was going to share the story with her.

About twenty minutes later, Alluka tossed her brother the book. He immediately planted himself in the corner of the room and read at a less than leisurely pace. During his assassin training, he had been made to practice speed reading and comprehension, so that he could memorize documents and information regarding his target as quickly as possible. In this case, it helped him finish a 300 page book in about 25 minutes. The story was a typical lovey-dovey tale about a boy who meets a really pretty girl and does all sorts of things to gain her attention and affection; writing poems, sending flowers, etc. However, while reading Killua had unwillingly replaced the generic boy with Gon, and the girl with himself. He pictured Gon leaving him roses, with a handwritten love letter in his room for him to discover. The roses smelled as if they had just been hand picked, and the letter smelled of Gon and... Killua threw the book across the floor the second he had finished it, in utter defiance of his fantasies. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and buried his head into his arms.

Alluka hadn't noticed because she was watching TV, otherwise she may have been hurt the Killua did not enjoy the story the same way she had. Killua was utterly distraught, there was no way he could really want this? Was there? _NO! It's gotta just be this one book! _It wasn't. _I can't really be IN LOVE with Gon, can I? _No matter how much he denied it, he already was. Sadly, he refused to accept it and decided to he needed to read MORE about Love, desperately hoping he could come to a different conclusion._  
_

"Hey, there wouldn't happen to be any more books like that around?" Killua looked over at Alluka, trying to hide his increasing despair.

"Yea! They have tons at the book store! Can we go? I wanna get another book"

"Sure, let's go" Killua walked down to the bookstore with his sister in hand, he noticed a sweets shop on the way and decided he was absolutely stopping on the way back.

Killua browsed through the entire romance section of the store, unable to decide what books he wanted. Fuck it, with about fifty books in hand, he approached the cashier and dumped them all on the counter. Alluka watched this, and then slowly grabbed a couple more books off the shelves... He was already buying this many, what was a few more?

"Umm, young man... Are you sure you can pay for all this?" The cashier was hesitant, it wasn't everyday teenage boys came in and bought 50 romance novels after all.

Kill grunted and tossed his platinum credit card on top of the pile, he wasn't in the mood to explain everything.

The cashier picked up the card apprehensively, did this KID really have a freaking platinum card? She began ringing out all of the books he had piled onto the table until she came across some less than age-appropriate material. So THIS was his plan, buy a bunch of books to hide the smut! Although it seemed a bit excessive.

"Sir, I'm afraid, given your age, I cannot allow you to-" she paused as the blue-eyed boy in front of her sighed and reached into his back pocket.

Killua hadn't even realized he had grabbed erotica, but he wasn't about to go through the embarrassment of putting it back. He simply flashed his Hunter License, signed the receipt and left.

The cashier seemed dumbfounded that such a young kid could be a Hunter, Killua didn't even know that his card exempted him from age restrictions! He had just tried it and hoped the shock factor would be enough.

On the way back to the hotel, Killua stopped at the sweets shop and bought as many as he could carry. Once back in the room; he returned to the corner, cracked open the first book, shoved chocolate in his face and read non-stop. Alluka watched as the pile of unread books on the left dwindled, as they were moved to her brother's right side. Five hours later he had two even piles, this was when Alluka got up and sat next to him. She didn't know why, but she felt like he just needed someone near him.

They sat together like that for another four hours, Alluka had decided to read her new book too. Of course, by the time she was a quarter-way through, her brother had already chucked four books over her head and into the finished pile. Around 9:00, Killua had moved all but 4 books to the other side. He had imagined Gon in every possible imaginable light. Gon was the hero who saved him from the evil pirates; the prince who had awoken him from a coma, the boy who pushed through the airport to stop him from getting on a plane and leaving, the one who waited outside his window in the pouring rain to sing him a love song, the one who cared for him when he was sick, the one who he kissed in the rain, the who protected him from his worst fears, The one who wrote him sappy, cheesy, embarrassing love letters, The one who stayed with him forever. The one he fell in love with, everytime.


	4. Chapter 4

**Leorio is onto Killua, and Gon's STILL clueless as ever :/ **

**Also, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed/commented. It really means a lot :)**

* * *

The four books remaining on the floor were the erotic ones Killua had accidentally purchased, he decided against reading them. The young-assassin wasn't quite ready to imagine his friend in THAT light too.

Killua wanted nothing more at this point than to climb into bed, and sleep. The white-haired boy had spent the majority of his day, imagining himself on over a hundred different dates with his best-friend. It was currently taking most of the energy and will power he had left, to reject his fantasies and not curl up into a ball of self-pity. That was until, his phone rang, it was nine-o'clock and he really should of called Gon half an hour ago.

"Killua! why didn't you call me?" Gon paused slightly "Is something wrong?" Gon knew something was, and he really just wanted his friend to tell him so he could fix it.

Killua's head nearly burst with a sudden realization. _Is something wrong? Is it wrong for me to love Gon in that way? Is it wrong for me to want Gon to be more than just my friend? Would Gon think it was wrong? _That last thought nearly crushed him, even if he did confess to Gon, there was no way he could know if Gon felt the same way. What if Gon thought there was something wrong with him? What if he never wanted to see him again? Killua became close to deciding never to tell Gon. Even if the pain of rejecting his love for his best-friend was excruciating, living without him would be unfathomable.

"Killua, are you mad at me?"

"What- Gon of course not... one sec, someone is calling on the other line" How could Gon think he was mad at him, and who the heck was calling Killua this late?

"Hello" Killua answered the other line, slightly relieved that he didn't have to fight his urge to confess to Gon for the moment... Until

"FIFTY ROMANCE NOVELS!" Leorio was clearly beyond amused by this "are you serious!?"

The white-haired assassin was floored, how the hell did Leorio learn about that!?

"Creepy old-man! How the hell do you know that?" Killua was both embarrassed and enraged, it was a good thing this was over the phone, or Killua might have killed Leorio.

"Didn't you know? Everytime you use your Hunter License, it gets reported to the Hunter Association. I was worried about you and Gon, so I had a buddy of mine-" Leorio was cut off by a clearly enraged Killua, who had now moved onto the balcony of his hotel room to yell louder.

"You've been keeping tabs on us!?" The yell echoed throughout the city.

"That's besides the point" Leorio chuckled as he finished the sentence "When are you confess your feelings to Gon? He's very worried about you"

Killua had to grab the rail to support himself, he felt his knees go out, and his stomach churn. _Shit! Is it really that obvious?, even Leorio was able to figure it out!_

"Whaa-tt, are you talking about?" Killua was barely able to stammer out his question.

"You love him, don't you?" Leorio knew he did, but he wanted to make sure Killua knew.

"NO!" Killua was no longer rational, all his pent up feelings were coming up all at once. "I DON'T KNOW!"

The white-haired boy was beginning to sob "how... am I supposed to know?"

The young doctor adopted a more empathetic tone as he continued "Why don't you go see him? When you look into the eyes of someone you truly love, you always know"

"How do you know?" The young-assassin was unable to imagine Leorio with anyone.

"Let's just say, I've experienced this before and It is my professional opinion that you are suffering from textbook love sickness" Leorio stated, rather matter-of-factly

"I-can't tell him" Killua was trying desperately to keep his raging emotions in check.

Leorio was displeased, the only known cure WAS to confess "It's not that hard, when I confessed to Kura-" Leorio bit his tongue, a little too late. "Never mind, but what is the worst that could happen?"

"He could think I'm disgusting, and never want to see me again and-" That was it, Killua was now in the fetal position in the corner of the balcony.

"Killua, the last thing Gon is ever going to think about you is that" Leorio was officially in doctor mode now "you're his best-friend and he'll always want to see you, he might not reciprocate your feelings at first... But he'll understand them... I promise"

"you... think so?" Killua was coming around now, maybe Leorio was right?

"Trust me, and if your not gonna confess right away, at least write your feelings in a diary... You can't keep everything bottled up, it's not healthy"

"Diaries are for girls" Like hell he was going to write in some sissy diary!

"Fine, then call it a freaking journal! I don't care just write, and go see Gon! Doctor's orders!" Leorio shouted, forgetting his bedside manner.

"FINE!" Killua hung up, and was about to throw his phone at the wall when

"Killua? are you there?" Gon had thought he heard the line pick back up

"Y-ya" Had Gon really been waiting the entire time? maybe Leorio was right...

"Who called?" Gon was curious and a tad bit jealous that someone had interrupted "his" time with Killua

"Umm, Leorio... He wanted to know some things about assassinations for a Zodiac investigation." The young-assassin felt bad about lying to his best-friend, but if wasn't like he could actually tell him the truth!

"Hey Gon, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, you can ask me anything!" Gon was confused as towards why Killua was asking if he could ask a question, they're friends!

"Would it be okay if... Alluka and I came and visited for a while?" Leorio had said he should go, and he was a doctor, but what if Gon said no?

"YES! You can stay as loooong as you want, and come whenever" Gon was now more excited than he had been in weeks, and Killua could feel it in his voice.

"Are you sure that's alright with Mito-san?" Just like Gon to jump the gun, Killua smirked, but then again what was he to expect?

"She won't mind!" or at least he didn't think she would, but Gon wasn't about to say anything that would jeopardize his best-friend's visit

"Okay, I'll ask Alluka in the morning, and I'll call you tomorrow night, okay?" Killua was actually getting excited about seeing his best-friend again. However, this was overshadowed by his growing nervousness over confirming his love.

"Mhmm, Goodnight Killua!" It didn't seem like Gon's excitement was going to die down anytime soon.

"Goodnight Gon" as soon as Killua heard the call end, he whispered "I love you"

* * *

As soon as he hung up, Gon ran and woke up Mito-san. He felt a little guilty about it, but he was beaming with too much excitement and just had to share it.

"Mito-san, guess what!?" The black-haired boy was bouncing up and down if sheer joy, it was actually hard to believe he was 15 and not 12.

"What?" She wanted to yell at him, but seeing as hoe he seemed happier than ever, she decided to hear his reason first.

"Killua's coming to vist! Do you think we could get his favorite foods and stuff for when he gets here!? and-"

Mito had tuned him out, but she was smiling as she listened to him ramble on about his excitement and what he wanted to do for his friend. She was truly happy Gon had found someone he cared about this much.

"Ya, ya we can do whatever you want, Just remember to find out when he's coming"

"Okay! And his sister's coming too" Gon was still beaming with excitement.

"I didn't know he had a sister" It might actually be nice to have a girl around for once. Granted, Gon hadn't told her Alluka was actually a boy who considered herself a girl. But, Killua always considered her a girl, so why wouldn't he?

"I'm soo happy he's coming to visit!" Gon cheered as he left Mito's room, she went back to sleep, Gon was up the rest of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

**More people have read this than I could've imagined :D Honestly, I expected like 5 people to read it, and think "this guys a complete hack" So, thank you so much :)**

**Chapter 5: Killua travels to Whale Island, Will he finally tell Gon?**

* * *

Killua had spent the night sleeping on the balcony, so needless to say... He was up early. The young-assassin decided to prepare for his trip while Alluka slept, he purchased airship tickets to Whale Island, which he had to admit were insanely expensive. Next, he packed his clothes along with the obnoxious amount of books he had left lying around his hotel room. Once the luggage was set, he packed a personal bag with the four books he hadn't read, and a hotel notebook, which he decided could be his new diary.

"What's going on?" Alluka had woken up.

"We're leaving today, Gon invited us to visit him on Whale Island for a while" Killua wasn't sure how long they'd stay.

"Hmmm, okay... Should we bring him a present?" She had no clue what to get him, but Alluka figured it was customary to bring one.

"Um... We'll find something in the airport, pack up so we can check out" The white-haired boy had about a thousand gift ideas running through his imagination, but there was a problem, they were all gifts he wanted Gon to give to him, he had no clue what to get his own best-friend!

Once everything was packed, Killua and his sister made their way to the airport and picked up their tickets before heading to the gift shops. The shops were packed with typical tourist garbage, trinkets and toys.

"Hey, what about one of these?" Alluka was staring at a huge wall of stuffed animals, attached to each animal was a book about them.

"Maybe" Would Gon like a stuffed animal? Killua had no idea, until a golden tiger cub caught his eye. _It's freaking adorable! _he thought to himself, while he blushed as he imagined Gon cuddling the animal as he slept.

"Well... he does love animals" The white-haired boy looked down at his sister, hoping for some form of approval.

"Yea! It's cute!" She reached up and pulled it down from the shelf, and inspected it.

They checked out and made their way through security, Killua flashed his Hunter License instead of going through customs, this meant that Leorio would know what he was up to... then again, he was the reason for this whole trip in the first place.

After boarding the airship, Alluka had buried her head into a new book. This left Killua to write in his journal, he did so the entire trip, filling up cover to cover with every fantasy he could imagine. Some pages just had "Do I love Gon?" Written on them a few hundred times, in most ways, he was acting like a middle-school girl with a crush. By the time they landed, Killua had written out his confession about fifteen times, he ripped out the final version and stuck in under the cover for easy access. Could he really do this? Leorio said he would know for sure when he saw Gon again, so the young-assassin decided to make his final decision then.

Killua hadn't told Gon what time they would arrive, he decided it would be better to surprise him. So after landing, Killua lead his sister up to Gon's house, all the while rerunning hundreds of possible scenarios in his head.

"Killuuaaa!" Gon was bolting down the street towards them at a breakneck pace. His eyes were wide with sheer excitement.

"G-Gon!" What the hell? They were still a mile away from his house.

Before Killua could speak up again, Gon had bear hugged him. The young-assassins consciousness faded; everything felt hazy and warm, he felt so relaxed, like everything he had been worried about was drifting away. Gon placed his hands onto his best-friend's shoulders, as he pulled out of the hug. Killua was forced to desperately fight the urge to pull Gon back in. Then, to make matters worse, Killua caught himself looking into Gon's warmly excited, innocent eyes. In the next second, everything he had imagined in the past couple of days flooded back to him all at once. He felt his stomach churn, his heart beat uncontrollably, he palms and face grew sweaty. The frantic boy managed to avert his eyes as his cheeks turned crimson red. _Fuck! This is what that freaking old bastard meant wasn't it!? _His frustration faded into a sense of despair and acceptance. _I really can't get out of this... I love him. _Killua was fighting tears at this point, he couldn't let Gon see him cry.

"Killua! Are you okay!" Gon was worried, his friend's face was pointing down and colored bright red.

"Y..ya I'm fine, what are you doing all the way down here" Killua hadn't told Gon they were coming, so how did he know to intercept them in the road?

Gon was grinning "Oh, I felt that you were here, so I came down to check! Why didn't you tell me you were already here?"

"We wanted to surprise you" Killua was acting sheepish, he was trying to avoid looking into his friend's eyes again, there was no way he could handle that a second time.

"Let's get back to the house, Mito-san is making dinner!" Gon began running back to the house. "Whoever's last has to do the dishes!"

_Like Hell!_ Gon's challenge had momentarily distracted Killua from the torment of his thoughts. He was about to run for it, when he looked down at Alluka and realized she would come in last, if she ran on her own.

Killua squatted, and pointed at his back. "Get on, Gon's doing the dishes" The second Alluka had secured herself, Killla took off. He wasn't sure he could win, Gon had gotten a huge head start. To compensate, Killua sent small shock waves towards his friend to slow him down. At the same time, he ran as fast as he could, blowing through all of his stamina by the time he reached Gon's house. The young-assassin beat his friend by cheating, which he felt kind of guilty about.

"No fair! You can't attack me during a race!" Gon was more upset at losing to Killua, than he was about the alleged cheating.

"You never set rules." Killua let out a sly smile before following up, "Looks like your on dish duty"

They all entered the house, to find Mito breathing heavily, having just finished preparing dinner.

'I'm sorry, if Gon had told me sooner that you were here, I could have prepared much better" She was glaring intently at the brown-eyed boy.

"It's okay, It's my fault actually, I forgot to tell him." Killua felt guilty again, Mito-san had gone to all this work just for his visit!

"No, no Gon should have made sure" She switched her gaze to Alluka, who was standing halfway behind her brother. "You must be Alluka, I didn't know Killua had such a pretty sister"

Alluka was over the moon, it was really the first time anyone had ever called her that, she warmed up to Mito almost immediately.

"Thank you!" Alluka's smile could've lit up the whole room.

After dinner, Mito showed Alluka to the guest room. Over the course of dinner, Alluka had grown to like Mito more and more. In reality, Mito was the first example of a female role model that Alluka ever had (It's not like her mother was of much use), and she was clinging to her.

Killua had set up his sleeping bag on the floor next to Gon's bed, but his best-friend wasn't about to accept it.

"Killua, you don't have to sleep on the floor! We can share my bed!"

_Uhh..can we? NO! _"It's a bit too small to fit us both" Killua was trying hard to make this convincing, but he was really liking the idea of sharing a bed.

"Fine" Gon reached under the bed, pulled out his sleeping bag, and laid it on the floor next to Killua, he flicked the light off and climbed in.

"Wait Gon!" Killua jumped out of his sleeping bag and walked over to his bag, he pulled out the stuffed golden tiger cub. "I... G-got you a present, from the last place I went" _Please like it. _

"It's adorable!" Gon snuggled it as he climbed back into his sleeping bag. "Thank you, Killua"

The white-haired boy just smiled, happy he had picked a good gift. He climbed back into his sleeping bag, and turned to face his best-friend. Luckily it was dark, so he wouldn't accidentally look into his deep brown eyes again.

"Hey Killua?"

"Yea?"

"I'm really happy you came, I missed being able to talk to you whenever I want"

Killua smiled, "Goodnight Gon"

"Goodnight Killua"

Killua watched on as Gon fell asleep. He whispered, his thoughts out loud.

"Gon, is it okay if... I love you?" Tears started to stream down his cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Will it finally happen? ;) **

**Please review/comment :)**

* * *

Killua woke up as the sun began to peek through the curtains, he looked over to find that Gon had already woken up and headed downstairs. The young assassin decided to write down last night's dream, as it was still bouncing around violently in his head. In his dream, Gon had climbed into Killua's sleeping bag as he slept, and played with his hair softly and... The thought alone was making the pale boy turn all new shades of red. Killua was so entranced as he wrote every minute detail in an attempt to control his feelings, that he didn't notice Gon climbing the stairs.

"Killua? Are you up yet?" Gon peaked his head into the bedroom.

"Y..ya" Killua frantically shoved his confession letter back into the front cover of the notebook, before shoving it back in his bag.

"What were you writing about... Can I read it?" The brown eyed boy was worried, Killua was trying to hide something from him.

"It's just some research about..." _Shit, think! About what? _"Political systems in developing countries... For the Hunter Association" Killua was hiding his face, hoping his best friend wouldn't catch his blatant lie. _  
_

"Oh..." Gon hadn't understood a word of that "Well, there's a surprise for you downstairs!" He was hoping Killua would like the breakfast he had gotten him.

Gon rushed downstairs and Killua followed suit, his brown eyed friend was obviously eager to show him something. Killua's lips curled inwards, he imagined walking downstairs to a giant teddy bear, stuffed with chocolates and wearing a giant "be my boyfriend" T-shirt. _Ugh... I wish. _

Instead, he walked downstairs to what had to be the most sugar filled breakfast on the planet. On the plate in-front of him were chocolate pancakes, with chocolate chips, and generous amounts of powdered sugar along with chocolate milk. Had Gon really gone to all this effort just for him? Well, Mito-san probably did all the cooking, but Gon did think of it.

* * *

Gon watched on as his best-friend practically drooled over the spread in front of him. If there was one thing Gon was sure could cheer Killua up, it was sweets. While this was a temporary fix, Gon was determined to find out what was bothering his best-friend, especially after waking up to find dried tears on his cheeks and pillows. Killua had cried himself to sleep last-night.

"Try it! I made it myself" Gon was especially proud of this, even though Mito had forced him to do it, because she refused to make something so unhealthy.

"Wait... You did all this? By yourself?" Killua was in disbelief

"Uh huh!" Gon had a grin on his face, that elicited a small blush from the white haired boy who had taken a seat at the table.

Gon watched as Kllua began to dig into his meal, once he was sure he liked it, Gon went outside to talk to Alluka. He was hoping she would have some idea as to what was making her brother upset.

"Hey!" Gon waved at Alluka, who was gardening with Mito behind the house.

"What's up?" She seemed a bit confused, Gon usually didn't talk to her.

"Has Killua been upset about anything, because he doesn't seem okay and I'm worried and I wanna help but I can't figure it out and" Gon had forgotten to breathe, and Alluka interjected as he went to take a quick breath.

"Brother sometimes looks sad, when he does it writes in that white note-book that he won't let me read" Alluka looked annoyed, she didn't like it when Killua hid things either.

"He said that was for research!" Now Gon was mad! Killua had lied to him! Why!?

"Well..." Alluka placed her finger on the side of her lips, as if she were pondering something. "He did read a lot of books, but they were romance ones"

"He said he was researching..." Gon didn't remember, but it definitely wasn't romance.

"Well you shouldn't read it, brother might get mad" Alluka was adamant about it.

"Okay, okay." Gon walked away, and back into the house.

Killua stared up at him as he walked though the door, he had chocolate milk dripping down his chin.

"Hey Gon, can we go for a walk?" Killua looked upset again, his eyes were red.

"Yea sure! I just need my coat." Gon ran up the stairs and into his room. His coat was hanging on the rack, and below it was Killua's bag... With the note-book.

Gon looked at the bag, and began debating whether or not he should look inside. _Killua might get mad at me... but he's upset already! I need to help him! _Gon unzipped the bag, and reached for the white book tucked beside four novels. He opened it up, and a page fell out of the front cover, drifting to the floor. The brown-eyed boy ignored it for the time-being and read the first page.

_Fucking quack doctor telling me to keep a diary! I don't need one! Yet... why am I writing in this?  
Because I want to! Not because I have to! _The next few lines were scribbled out. _Why do I keep  
feeling this shit? Why won't it go away? Please... just stop. I can't do this! He'll hate me! _

The rest of the page had been scribbled over, and was mostly incomprehensible. Gon reached down and picked up the page on the floor.

_Gon, I have to tell you something. I want to. Because I... I can't hold this in, so I'll  
__understand if you hate me, if you think I'm disgusting, if you never want to see me again.  
But please, just listen, and then decide.  
I don't think I can live without you okay?, your everything... You're the light in...my life!  
So, is it okay if I love you?  
_

Tear drops dotted the rest of the page, and "_I can't do this"_ was scribbled over the top of the writing. Gon wasn't sure what to think, the idea that it was him that had been bothering Killua the whole time was hard for Gon to process all at once. Was this what Killua wanted to ask? Was this why he kept calling him? Was this why he came to visit? Gon thought about his own feelings towards Killua, and he thought about love. He knew he loved Killua as his best-friend, but did he want more too? He thought about what couples did; holding hands, hugging... He did like to hold Killua's hand, but the other rarely lets him do it anymore. Did loving Killua mean he could do those things? Would it make Killua happy? Gon's deep thought was cut off by a yell from downstairs.

"Gon! hurry up!" Killua sounded impatient.

"Coming!" Gon grabbed his coat and ran downstairs.

* * *

Killua looked up as his best-friend rushed down the stairs... he seemed different, he was off.

"Ready?" Gon looked as if he were a bit lost.

"Yea! Let's go!" Gon perked up when he heard Killua's voice, it felt like he was trying to cover something.

Gon started leading Killua down into town, the white-haired boy followed suit, but stayed quiet most of the trip. He was thinking, he ran through his scenario, repeating his confession thousands of times in his head, each time ending in a disastrous fireball with Gon running out on him. He had to suppress his despair, or else Gon would pick up on the negative aura he was releasing.

* * *

Gon had kept quiet for their walk, expecting Killua to ask him any moment. He had decided that he would make his final decision then, thinking it out was just hurting his head. He looked back at his best-friend as they entered town, and decided to distract him for the time being.

"First one to the top of the bell-tower wins!" Gon bolted, he guessed this would cheer Killua up, and give him a chance to revenge last night's loss.

"Wait.. what!" Killua for his part, had been shocked out of his stupor by the sudden challenge. "No way!"

Gon had made it halfway up the tower by the time Killua had reached its base, so the young-assassin cheated and used electricity to increase his speed. The dark-haired boy was beyond angry, he had lost for a second time! And Killua cheated again! Although, he hadn't told him he couldn't use Nen.

"You cheated!" Gon was pointing, accusingly.

"Hmph, no rules, and you got a head start" Killua smirked, his mood seemed to have lifted for now.

"Fine! First one to the dock wins!" Gon was determined to win this time. "1...2...3!"

Both boys charged off towards the docks, Gon had decided to run through the streets, while Killua stuck to the rooftops.

* * *

The white-haired boy spent the next six-hours racing his friend to every point on the island... this wasn't what he had envisioned when he asked to go for a walk. Then again, this was typical of Gon. At some point, Killua has stopped using Nen to increase his speed, so every race ended with a tie, which lead Gon to demand a rematch for the umpteenth time. Finally, Killua had let Gon win a race and they both ended up at a lake in the center of the island.

"I won!" Gon was jumping for Joy, he had the goofiest... yet cutest smile Killua had ever seen. _I should have let him win earlier. _It was about five o-clock.

"Well... we should start heading back to the house... Mito-san might be worried" the young-assassin wanted to prevent another challenge, he was thoroughly exhausted.

"Okay! I'm hungry, I wonder what Mito-san made for dinner" Gon was still grinning, and it was adorable.

Killua had decided he couldn't hold it in anymore, he would tell Gon on the way back... and if Gon never wanted to see him again... he would leave.

* * *

Gon lead the way back to the house, he wasn't sure where they were, but he always could feel where home was. Killua trailed behind him, dragging his feet in thought.

"Hey... Gon?" Killua sounded hesitant, vulnerable and scared.

"Yea" Gon knew what was coming and his mind began to race. He turned around to face his best-friend.

Tears began flooding from Killua's eyes, they were bloodshot, and his face was beet red. "Please... don't hate me" He began to sob even more. "Is it okay if..."

At that point, Gon realized something. He wanted Killua to be happy, and he knew what would make him happy. If Killua was happy, then he would be happy as well. Plus, Gon really liked holding Killua's hand and he liked being close to him. So, he walked over to his sobbing best friend, and wrapped his arms around him as he guided his crying eyes into his shoulder.

"Killua I read your diary..." Gon paused as he felt Killua push away, he pulled him in tighter and the white-haired boy began to cry even more. "and it's okay"


End file.
